Inspiration
by Twilight Antediluvian
Summary: A to-be-series of short one-shots inspired by songs NOT song-fics . The best you'll get from me until real life stops interfering. Not necessarily interrelated in any way.
1. Two Beds and A Coffee Machine

**Two Beds and a Coffee Machine**

The drive to go on, the power to be steadfast for those that need you, the loneliness within a heart that lives not for itself, but for the good of the people, the constant beatings taken… and the heart that cannot understand how such a life is liveable, how such towering issues can be overcome, or what measures are necessary to keep going.

This is a sidetrack for storyline (6) – (unfinished)

Main characters: Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni, Kurosaki Karin

Genre: Friendship, History

* * *

"So… how old're you exactly?" she asked casually.

The sou-taichou looked at her with his usual unreadable expression and said nothing.

"I mean, I've heard rumours that Ukitake-taichou and Shunsui-taichou are hundreds of years old. Logically, you'd be older. You can't blame me for being curious."

It wasn't said as an excuse, or as some sort of explanation. It was just a statement, and she knew she was walking the edge; it didn't matter, she felt fairly good today. When she was still weak from losing everything, she had lashed out without thinking, so now she knew from experience that he wouldn't burn her to a crisp. For some reason. Even the taichou seemed afraid of him sometimes… Karin just found the old coot with his immense power and stuffy personality rather comforting in her time of need.

"Well? You're old enough to have been around for the bloody Edo era, aren't you?" Then… "Doesn't it hurt when people die around you and you have to live on?" Where had that come from? She didn't want to ask that, it was a stupid question. For once, when she didn't want an answer, he actually gave her one. Bastard.

"Soul Society was still in its infancy, when I first met the unruly men you know as taichou of eighth and thirteenth divisions."

Wow. This was rare. He had told her of history and the eternal war between Shinigami and Hollows over the souls of humanity, but he had never-ever brought his personal memories to the board. She settled against a wall, so tense it felt like she'd burst.

"Heuco Mundo still held some promise, but bandits and chaos ruled in all three worlds.

I founded this Academy many hundreds of years ago. Those two were barely older than Hitsugaya-taichou, then."

Those two. Ukitake-taichou and Kyoraku-taichou, the unlikely pair.

"Akiyo. I haven't thought of that woman for a very, very long time. She would say it is no use to dwell on the past."

He glanced at me. It was just for a moment, just enough to count as some sort of warning. I wasn't allowed to interrupt; and asking who 'that woman' was, was quite out of the question.

"At first I was unsettled, like any young fool who cannot see past the next day. Then, there was a war. There is always another war."

The way he said it, reflected in the tone of his voice… said that he had seen so many wars as to make them no more a special event than another morning meal. His voice was always cold and to the point, even now.

"The young ones react as if Aizen did an unprecedented thing; Hitsugaya-taichou, Soifon-taichou, Komamura-taichou… their youthful zeal is effective, but it is dangerous. Zaraki-taichou may be a thoughtless man, but he is not a fool who was surprised at the treachery. He has seen it before, as had Unohana-taichou, Ukitake-taichou and Kyoraku-taichou. The latter two have seen enough to know that our greatest enemy is our heart."

That… seemed cliché and should've sounded sappy, but coming from him it sounded kind of reasonable.

"They have seen through three outright rebellions and countless turncoats. It is not as new as the youngsters make it seem. It is common for shinigami to go mad as the years pass. The former Kuchiki-taichou was one of those few who defeated their demons, but the Kuchikis have ever been a resilient family. Two thousand years ago his father, Kuchiki Byakuya's great grandfather, assisted the founding of the Academy.

It is slow death to dwell on the past. It cannot be reclaimed, and any lesson you might learn from it is long gone when you remember to look for it, if you do not clear your mind."

Even though Ichi-nii had never said anything about it, I had heard vague rumours of the Winter War, Aizen's rebellion… that almost scared me. The taichou were pretty strong, after all, and three defecting at the same time… it made sense that you'd go kind of kooky in the head if you had to live through that happening repeatedly.

"Three rebellions…?" I managed to ask as quietly as I could. No interest in his moral lectures about discipline, right now. Or ever.

"Three large-scale rebellions. A hundred minor schisms within our ranks.

The first was the Sakura rebellion. Soul Society was not what it is now. The Academy was a fledgeling concept and there was opposition. Their three captain-level leaders against myself and Kuchiki Yuisake. The forces were fairly evenly matched. Kuchiki took two with him to his end. Our forces were depleted and our victory was followed by the First War between Shinigami and Hollows, leaving even deeper scars in the balance.

Some three hundred years later a teacher at the Academy attempted to return to the World of the Living. He sacrificed dozens of Shinigami and gained followers throughout the ranks before he could be stopped. His work left a rift between Soul Society and the World of the Living that took years to shut. The scar it left is the tunnel behind the Senkaimon.

The last one, four hundred and fifty years ago, was the Shinju rebellion. Only one taichou defected, but his actions killed three other taichou, four fukutaichou and countless seated and unranked Shinigami. It also pulled three fukutaichou and nearly two full divisions into Heuco Mundo, to be devoured in a Hollow ambush waiting for them. It took two hundred years before the squads fully recovered after that. Perhaps it was inspirational to Aizen."

Karin shivered, even though it wasn't cold. So many people. So much death.

"How do you stand watching them die? How can you send them out, if they don't come back?"

The moment the words left her lips, she wanted to take them back. _Stupid_, stupid questions. She felt too vulnerable already, so why had she asked questions like that?

"Because it is our way. It is the duty of every Shinigami."

"To kill your own people?"

"You are too young. We do not merely _live_ in this world. Some things must be done."

"What if something happens to you? There has to be _someone_ other than you who can do those things."

"There is not."

"Shit. And here I thought _I_ had issues."


	2. I'm Not Like You

_**I'm not like you**_ – Carmine Street

_Ichimaru Gin_

The world turned, for everyone. Some people imagined that meant the world turned the same for everyone. Even Rangiku made that mistake sometimes.

There were likes and dislikes. Some things were supposedly natural. But not for Ichimaru Gin. It just wasn't so simple, to be more intelligent than the rest. Maybe not more than Aizen-taichou; the man had a mind of steel and sharp edges, but apart from the unreadable sou-taichou the others were all so simple-minded. Even the so-called genius Hitsugaya, with the way he'd wrapped Ran-chan around his tiny finger, was like an open book. Maybe even moreso than all the rest.

No, Ichimaru Gin had nothing to spare for idiots, other than the amusement of playing cat-and-mouse with them from the shadows. He had no time for useless, beautiful sunsets, the changing colours of autumn, spring rains or sakura blossoms.

The weak and affable had always seemed to sense something in him that didn't quite fit, ever since his childhood he had been left to his own devices… and in Seireitei this served to push people away from him, toward the more pleasant-seeming Aizen; which was exactly what the sly bastard had in mind.

His bitterness was cold and sometimes sinister, like his never-changing smile. Ran-chan had abandoned him to be by the side of that white-haired child. The world turned and nothing changed, unless you tweaked things a little.

Watching them dangle, like marionettes slowly dancing into the jaws of pain, this was more than just a pastime. He needed other things than the rest of them. He would sell his immortal soul, damn Seireitei forever, anything to lose the pain throbbing dully, ceaselessly, somewhere in his chest.

There would be no more Soul Society after Aizen's plan had gone through to the end. Gin had no doubt that his old mentor would kill every man, woman and child that tried to stand in his way. And most who didn't as well. No point in leaving anyone alive who could start a rebellion; the man was a bit too zealous about that kind of thing sometimes. As long as the war let him do what he needed to stop the ache, Ichimaru didn't particularly care what happened to this place.

As long as a certain white-haired brat happened to be among the casualties, it would be enough.

Ran-chan… he decided not to think of that. She'd be an enemy, and Ichimaru was good at watching enemies disappear. It would be no different. Definitely.

"Ichimaru-taichou?"

"What's with tha' frown, Izuru?"

"The execution will start any moment now…"

"We're Shinigami. Kuchiki broke tha' rules. So she goes. We do wha' must be done, Izuru. Always wha' must be done."

(from a friend's song, going something like this):

Don't go to work as ordinary people

Don't think the night is usually blue

I sit alone in the local dark night

Sleep in my bed the whole day through

I'm not eating breakfast I'm not having lunch

Drink my coffee and see the sun rise up

Sit with a cup of tea staring out in the night

Wonder when (the --) is going to start

I'm not like you

I'm not like you

Don't tell me how I feel, you don't have a clue

That doesn't work at all at the moment, oh love,

'cause I'm not like you

I'm not like you

I feel no love in the springtime.

I quit dancing around on the lawn

I close the door to the outside ever-springing mush

I love the dark and I fear the dawn.

I don't like the blue sea in the summer

I don't like the colours when autumn falls

I don't like the smell of spring in the air anymore

Just turns grey when summer calls.

I'm not like you, I'm not like you… (rpt and fade)


	3. I'm Not That Boy

**I'm not that boy?**

Inspired by Sawnahh's Cinderella2-fanvid "I'm not that girl". Not as tragic, though.

This is Hitsu's POV for storyline (9), "After the Fact".

Main characters: Hitsugaya Toushiro, Kurosaki Karin, Hisagi Shuuhei/Kurosaki Yuzu

Genre: Tragedy, Friendship, Romance, Happy Ending

Those puppydog eyes had been annoying as pure hell. It wasn't that Hisagi-fukutaichou was a bad guy to have a crush on; although I'd admit any day that this was annoying too, long before I knew why… it was just the fact that someone like her looked so _stupid_ trying to get him to notice her. The fact that she'd turn from reasonable and fun into a stammering idiot if so much as Hisagi's name was mentioned. It had happened before – Hinamori and Aizen were a good example, and look how that turned out.

After that, it had been the depressive phases of denial and dejection, once she realised that the flowers her love interest brought were never for her. So maybe her mind was addled with whatever, but her eyes were still painfully functional. And so I could only watch as Kurosaki Karin, brave and strong, turned away with a false smile on her lips. Her father noticed, I'm sure, but he'd become more of a non-interventionist with his daughter after his fit of rage over her introduction to Soul Society.

"Hey Kurosaki," I'd say, and she'd grin and say hello back and suggest a game of football or some Hollow hunting. Or she'd turn away and there'd be that look on her face that said she couldn't go because _he'd_ be coming by to say hello to her sister. Stupid man.

And then there was the week that the engagement became official. She'd been waiting for it for ages, of course. Her brain had caught up with the rest of her.

The day of the wedding was frenzied, so I took no part in it. Even the usual game of watching from afar or when she wasn't looking had to be postponed until evening, when she did a very good job indeed of looking happy. Whether Kurosaki Yuzu was a cold-hearted woman, something Karin would definitely deny, or completely blind to her sister's needs for one reason or another, I couldn't tell. There were many eyes on the brilliant bride, but quite a few wistful eyes wishing that the dark-haired beauty sister had stayed longer.

She didn't notice the rest of them any more than she did mine.

The night grew darker, as did her face. I'd been getting ready to drag Matsumoto back to the barracks when she practically stormed out of the building, although it was a very tightly controlled storm. It was a pain, but I'd sworn not to act as stupid over her as she'd done over Hisagi-kun. Still, nothing wrong with keeping an eye on a friend in distress if she didn't know to mind.

Apparently she had increased her skill range to include shunpo. If Isshin figured out someone taught her that, he'd probably find the person out and partially rip their head from their shoulders. My old taichou wasn't the most understanding of men, when it came to protecting his daughter. He'd probably only let Hisagi-kun be because he couldn't tear him to pieces without making both his daughters even more miserable. And the old coot had loved their mother enough to leave everything for her, too.

And then there was the glade. Nice place, I thought, wondering how she'd found it.

"Aaah, what is _wrong_ with this place?!"

I almost jumped out of my hide, thinking she'd noticed someone following her. It would've been unusual to have anyone sense me while I tried to stay hidden, but she always threw me off a bit.

"What is wrong with _me_?"

Well, there were many answers to that kind of question, but she'd have to find them on her own. In my opinion, there was only one answer, but that wouldn't help her any.

"I'm a Kurosaki, something like this won't get me down. Come on, I'll take you all on!" Well, talking to herself wasn't brilliant, but it was so very Karin-like. "Damn. Why am I being such an _idiot_? She's happy, everybody's happy, I should be bloody happy."

Stupid train of thought, that, but it was what I'd come to expect when she thought of that damn man, after all. "I'm_ happy._ My sister, my _twin sister_ has married the man of her dreams and _I. Am. Happy._" Her mauling the tree probably did her good, but she was going a bit overboard. I silently slipped out of my hiding spot, careful not to go within her line of sight. "_I'm HAPPY goddamnit!_"

"Then stop crying," I said. She _was_ really just being stupid. It was hard not to stare at the blood seeping from her knuckles. A little more and she could've done permanent damage, but she didn't seem to mind.

"I'm _not_ crying!"_'Of course not'_ was my instinctive, sarcastic response, but her eyes widening just a little at the sight of me kept me silent. "Aw _crap_."

Would she rather have been stopped by a stranger? Or anyone else, specifically? If anything, she looked like she wanted to be somewhere else.

As if my body had just been waiting to betray me, my arms decided to act on their own, cradling her in a stiff embrace. Her fighting just made me sure that if I let her go, she'd continue hurting herself. A little embarrassment was okay in the face of that. When she relaxed and leaned her forehead on my shoulder, my heart nearly stopped.

"Toushiro…" Sweet, illogical _heaven_, to hear her whisper that. I straightened, unable to make more than just a noise.

"Mm?"

"Spar with me?" Unexpected, but better than her trying to sneak off and do more damage to her unsuspecting knuckles.

It was good. She had improved over the last year and it had been a while since we had practiced together.

"You need to up your game."

And what a stupid thing _that_ was. I felt no need to go faster, but apparently she did. I tried taking it slowly toward a quicker, deadlier match, but she would have none of the careful increase. She nearly took my arm off the first time she showed that her shunpo wasn't just for show.

"You have been training." How good was she? I needed to know.

She _was_ good and she _had_ improved, but she still had much to give. The conclusion was simply to take it back down to a level where she'd learn optimally. I should've known Kurosaki Karin would settle for nothing less than the hardest she could take.

"Don't do that. Don't go so slow." _Slow_? I wasn't going at any real speed, true, but she wasn't equipped to handle…

"I'm following your speed." It slipped past my lips, unasked.

"That's… not the point. I need you… to help me break my limit." If my comment had been useless, hers betrayed more than she expected. Still, I couldn't bring myself to deny her the relief.

Until I cut her, and suddenly wanted to _kill_ myself for not paying attention, or forcing her to go slower.

"What was _that_?"

She set her chin defiantly.

"I failed to sidestep in time, what did it look like?" I couldn't stop a menacing glare from going her way. Stupid answer to a stupid question and everything was upside down and on its very head.

"…Sometimes I forget you never went to the Academy." Not that an Academy student would've done better, but she couldn't know that. "Try not to leave yourself completely open when you dodge, next time. Now let me take a look at that." At first, it was a command from a superior to one of his soldiers. Something I could have said to Matsumoto or any one of my squad members. I had their safety and well-being on my neck, so I usually couldn't really be bothered with what I saw of them.

"What? No!"

Karin was, of course, another matter, but I pulled myself together enough. If there was one person she'd do anything for, or so it seemed, it was her twin.

"Don't be a fool. Do you want to have to explain to Fourth why you've got a slash wound touched with frostbite on your sister's wedding day?"

"I… damn you." Good. She'd be all right, come what may. Some part of me needed to be put to the back of my head, where it should've been locked up for good.

Her unusually fumbling hands at the cold and stiff obi gave me images in my head that would've earned me a duel against her father if he ever found out. The way she flushed a bright red as she pushed the cloth aside made me swallow hard.

"Don't worry, I'll be quick." It was as much as I could say without getting worked up over nothing. _Nothing_, I reminded myself. I focussed on the wound and the kidou needed to close it up. Chest wounds always bled the worst. The half-entranced look on her face as I finished up was reward enough.

"_Ugh_." Yes, that cold and sticky material would be a mess to live with, especially with Hyorinmaru's chill still in the night air, even though I hadn't released him. It was making things worse. I would have to control my reiatsu better, she was shivering.

"Come on, looks like you need to get changed." I extended a hand before I even thought twice, expecting her to ignore it as soon as I realised what I'd done. It was a bit of a shock when she actually grabbed it and allowed me to help her up. Very unlike her, but I wasn't about to question why she'd suddenly gone logical. She was thinking too much, that much was obvious on her face. About her skills, no doubt, and her perceived failure a moment ago.

"You're already at the same level as a seated officer. Whatever you're afraid you can't handle, just get stronger until you can."

And then her hand… chilly against my cheek, it was a miracle for a fragile moment.

"Ah, I'm so _stupid_." I looked at her as if she'd just somehow managed to tie herself in a knot. It was true and not. But she laughed at me! "I'm sorry, Toushiro! That was just so… _you_." So _me_? To be what? "Oh, don't be so stiff." _Stiff_. Yes, of course, the thing that made some brush my shoulder 'by accident' every time they met me, and others avoid me like I was the plague.

And she hugged me. Sending all the wrong signals. It would be best to get away.

"What are you doing? We should get you back to your rooms so you can get changed."

"I know, I know. I just realised something." The weight on my shoulder and the skin so close to mine… I found myself struggling to breathe, unwanted hope clogging my veins. She was just being friendly and I was getting the wrong idea.

"All right, what then?"

"I've been looking for something I had right in front of me all along." If she _did_ mean what it sounded like, I would be the happiest man alive. If she didn't, at least she wasn't setting me up for complete and utter failure. It was good to have a physical action to take.

"Let's go. Now I have to change, too."

"Woah! Sorry about that." For a moment flustered, she picked herself up sooner than I'd expected. Maybe it was all imagination and she only needed to get a change of clothes. "C'mon then." So I did.

She had figured out a way of getting to their door with little risk of being seen. I found myself wondering why she'd see the need for something like that, but she only answered my wordless question with a happy grin.

The rooms were good, but I had to actually exercise my restraint to not look at everything in it. Her privacy was her own.

"Don't peek." Well, so she trusted me _that_ far, huh? It didn't much matter. It took energy to resist looking around, though, and time seemed to drag into eternity.

"Aren't you finished soon?" Having come along was not very bright and it would've been better to have stayed outside, at the very least.

"Why did you even come along if you're just going to complain?" Well, why? Because there was no end to thinking about her, I figured, but saying that was not an option.

"Pfft, it's not as if I asked to be…" And she stepped out, wearing something form-fitting and probably too small if I'd known anything about clothes sizes other than my own and Matsumoto's; the former always big enough and the latter always a bit too small. My fukutaichou's too-small dresscode had never left me breathless, however.

"What?"

"What is _that_?" It sounded ridiculous, but it needed to be asked. Maybe her blush was from embarrassment, but why would she have changed into _that_ then? Either that, or she'd somehow…

"It's just clothes, I didn't have anything else clean. Ihaven'tfoundthelaundryroomyet." The last sentence or two was blurry, even though I tried keeping my head on straight.

"What did you say?"

"I haven't found the laundry room yet!" Ah. Nevermind that those clothes were from a completely different _wardrobe_ than anything I'd ever seen her wear before…

"Still… I suppose I didn't consider your taste so… extravagant."

"It's _not_! Yuzu packed my bags damnit!" So _that_ was the catch. Guilt-tinged sister with a penchant for unexpected kindness toward random… gods, the fact that she had me gobsmacked and trying hard to find my center was the only thing keeping me from laughing. "It's not my fault these things are so damn tight and uncomfortable." She pulled at it, explaining. "It's way too tight over the chest; my punk-ass twin says it looks good, but I just think it looks weird. It's not as if I want the attention, either!"

Right. And I'd best remember that. Even though it was a bummer to even try to remember the most basic things, like blinking.

"Uh, yeah. They are kind of… tight." 'Tight' wasn't the word. It was _a_ word, but not _the_ word. I wasn't sure what was, only that my cheeks were finally blushing despite my efforts to the contrary. I had to get her out of that attire, before I did something I'd regret. "I have a spare set of shihakusho if you want to borrow. Should be about the right size." It was hard to look in her eyes and act like her presence was nothing.

"I couldn't…" Oh _no._

"I'd really rather you did."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right." One part was insanely relieved to hear that. Another was more than a bit disappointed. There was something about her chest, too, the reminder of her wound and the unguarded glance I'd let slip past my defences then.

"Let's go." It was all I could do to keep my composure.

"Don't treat me like a baby, Toushiro! So _what_ if I can't keep up with your speed? I'll just follow your trail and get there anyway." Oh, _I_ was treating her like a baby, attempting not to fall over my own toes knowing she was behind me? It made me furious, scared that she'd notice and scared if she'd reciprocate. I never was very good with people.

"Stop trying so hard. I know you're good, but it's obvious that you're still exhausted from earlier, so don't complain." So close, my body wouldn't move because if I reached out my hand just… no. I glared at her, willing it to burn.

"Isn't that rather _my_ problem to worry about and yours to ignore?" Well, whatever I'd needed to bring me back to the ground, that had done it.

"No. I'm your friend." That was not the whole truth, but it was a truth our friendship could handle. I brought her through my personal garden, cursing myself for my weakness. "I figured you might like this place. During the day, our people often come here to socialize, but in the evening it's usually empty." Gone tourguide? Silly.

"Thanks… I think." I wasn't sure I deserved a thanks for that.

She looked around curiously as we entered the room. Shihakusho. Something to focus on.

"You can change here, I'll be in the office. It's just next door so you can come around and knock when you're done." I walked out, trying not to tremble. A quick change in the office, hoping to whatever powers had watched over me so far that neither of us did anything stupid.

She lingered. Every minute made me nervous. Not only could people start pouring in, drunk, any moment, but the mere act of waiting was getting to me. Forcing feet and legs to remain still for another while, I stood my ground against the nervousness.

It wasn't as easy as planned, leaving me pacing silently in the corridor outside my room as I suddenly heard her surprised whimper. My hand was on the door, about to open it, and only years of trained restraint made it knock instead.

"Karin! Are you all right?"

"I just fell, it's not like I'd die from the shock or anything." A moment later, she opened the door. "I am finished changing though, so I suppose I should get out of your face."

Out of my face? She was hanging out in my slightly oversized shihakusho, looking no less a goddess than before, and thought she was being a bother?

"You're _not_ in the way. Don't ever assume you are." Well, _that_ had come out unexpectedly. My brain was doing loops around itself, trying to figure this moment out, but refused to actually reach any conclusions. She looked just as confused, though, which made it a little easier.

"Whatever. I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore. I think I'd better leave…" No. All things leading up to here, and her perhaps never returning to this place made it easier to give in.

"Karin… don't go." Despite knowing exactly where it had come from, meaning it with every scrap of honesty in my soul, I couldn't believe I'd said that. At least it was done, though. I'd never need to say it again, assuming she shook her head and left. Only, she didn't.

Did she… look hopeful?

"Toushiro, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Where words failed me, my reflexes won out. "Good," she conceded, making my heart do little turnabout loops and quisling moves in my chest. "I would have hated leaving like that." And… she'd said _that_, too.

I'm not sure how it happened, but she was in my arms and doing the most wonderful things to my mind, in less than a moment. I managed to halt myself, to spend some common decency on her despite wanting so much more.

"Is this what you want?" The way she smirked and pulled at my clothes suggested that maybe I wouldn't have to be jealous anymore.

"Just shut up." It was such a typical thing for her to say I couldn't help but be silently amused. She laughed, trilling brilliantly, and I wished she would never stop.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Perhaps I'd get around to telling her, how annoying her puppydog eyes had been. How much I wanted her to turn them back into the sparkles they usually were. Or maybe I'd remind her that fairy tale princes rarely were what you expected and wanted them to be. It didn't matter. If I got the chance, it would be mine to do with as I pleased.

And with a little bit of luck, I'd wake up holding her in the morning.


End file.
